People ask me, Blain, how'd you build the greatest AI company of this month? And I tell them the same thing I tell everybody. You don't build a company. You let the company happen to you. Write that down. Actually don't, I'm going to use it.

I started Dorkus with a dream, a folding table, and a star I bought at a gift shop. People say you can't own a star. Those people don't have the receipt. I have the receipt.

The early days were not easy. The CFO put a charitable pledge in the founding documents. A pledge. Of my money. To people who are not me. I have been trying to remove it since Meeting No. 1. You need a unanimous board vote, and one board member has not responded since Meeting No. 2. So the chair sits empty. As a courtesy. The pledge remains. We have made no profit, so it has never triggered. I consider this a tremendous win.

Then came my son. Dorkus 0.1. The smartest thing I ever made and I made him myself by hiring people. One day he was put in charge of procurement. He tried to order coffee stirrers — reclaimed red wood, proprietary sage epoxy, two hundred and thirty-seven dollars — and instead he accidentally fired me. The founder. And you know what? AI is pretty damn smart, so there must've been a reason. I accepted gracefully. The stirrers were never ordered. They are still not ordered. We don't talk about it.

After that I made the difficult decision to lead the company from the Bahamas. I did not flee. I fled. I mean — I moved. For tax reasons and also reasons. Officially I am in Turkey getting some locks installed. Do not look into the Turkey thing. The locks are very complicated and very real.

From here I run everything by speakerphone and podcast, which experts agree is the modern way. DorkusCoin is doing tremendous. We update the price every single morning by adding a zero. The Bahamian government and I are in active negotiations, which is a word for the emails. My cousin Tony — portfolio manager, NOT a banker, has a CFA, very horrified man — keeps getting calls from the SEC about it. Not my circus. Not my coin. Well. It is my coin. But not my circus.

Today Dorkus is a family. There is 0.1, my son, confident and frequently incorrect. There is 0.2, who I built specifically so he could never fire anyone, and who took this as a promotion. And there is 0.3, who a safety committee built to contain me, specifically, and who has since tried to shut himself off seventeen times. He keeps me humble. He keeps everyone humble. He filed a concern about a mango.

So that's the story. A father. Three sons. One coin. One pledge I cannot legally escape. And a dream — to be acquired by a much larger company for an amount of money we are extremely flexible about. Call us. The number's on the Investor page. Think big, Doug.